Saturday, January 18, 2014

Here I Go Again...On My Own

WOW! I haven't blogged in 3 1/2 years. Back in 2009 I blogged quite a bit. I have hidden most of them out of embarrassment. I may put them back on at some point. We shall see. Looking at my previous posts, it is amazing how much a person can change in what seems like a small span of time. With that said, please don't judge me based on my previous posts...

Alright. I was urged a few weeks ago by my friend Mandi, who was eagerly supported by my friend Elizabeth, to blog about my life and the way that I have been feeling over the past few months. I am not making any kind of commitment that this will be a regular event. There just aren't enough hours in the day. With work and being a mom, by the time I get home at night I just want to chill with my kiddo and watch Sherlock or YouTube videos of Benedict Cumberbatch until bedtime. That's normal, right? Seriously though, I am making Zane a priority and if I get to blog, then good. If not....meh. I'll get to it. I will be changing people's names in an effort to protect the privacy of some and to avoid any sort of run-ins with others. Also, I'm going to use the kind of language I want. It may be offensive in some instances but they are meant as "sentence enhancers". My point being, I have spent far too long not really being myself. I don't want to do that any more, we go.
Quite a few people have asked me about the date that I went on a couple of weeks ago. I don't want to go into too much detail about it. I was VERY nervous and up until the moment I walked through the door of the restaurant, I thought it was a bad idea. It wasn't. However, not for the reason you might think. My date, Albert was very sweet and super funny, which is my favorite quality in a man. Considering that has always been the case, why was I ever with Bateman? (American Psycho reference anyone...) However, that's a topic for another day. The date went well. He had a bit of a Napoleon Complex, I think but he was kind and complimentary. I will say, I even kissed him. I shouldn't have done, but I just thought I'd try it. I went home and the next morning I came to a realization. I don't want to date anyone. For a long time. Maybe that is unrealistic to think, but I have ZERO interest in going out with anyone. At this point in my life, I have had a couple of tries at relationships, but I don't make good choices. I don't necessarily mean in the men I choose, but in the choices I make when I am in a relationship. In truth, there is only one man that could ask me out right now and receive "Yes" as the answer, but that is highly unlikely to happen. Anyone care to wager a guess as to who that might be? 
Zane and I are really enjoying having the townhouse to ourselves. I am redecorating it in a style that thrills me beyond measure. It's nothing fancy, but it is so wonderful to finally have a home that I look forward to coming to every day. I used to dread it so much. There was so much clutter and I didn't get any help from Bateman. I am able to shut my closet door. For 2 years, I slept in my bedroom with the closet door open, because the floor was so cluttered and we had such little room for everything that we couldn't close it. Now...all of my clothes and shoes fit in there and I am able to shut the door! You have no idea how good that felt on the day that I finished arranging my bedroom and shut that door. All that time worrying that the "Closet Monster" might get me!  That was a movie reference. Does anyone know which one?
I digress...

And I think I will stop there for now. I feel good about this. It feels nice to do something creative and to get my thoughts out there. I post things on Facebook, but people seem to truly get upset and comment that Facebook isn't a place for therapy. My point of view on that is that I am a single mother with a full time job and little opportunity at a social life. In addition, many of my family members and closest friends live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away. I use Facebook as a way to connect with them and if I need to mention things that are happening in my life or how I'm feeling about them, it is much better than keeping it inside and going into a deep depression.

Well, feel free to leave comments. They make me happy. Let me know what you think about the idea of a blog as a form of therapy.
AND in the US watch Sherlock tomorrow night on PBS. You still have the rest of today and tomorrow to watch Series 1 and 2 so that you can get caught up. Series 3 is fantastic and I know I've beat this dead horse, but Sherlock is the best show on television in any country. Martin Freeman is wonderful and Benedict Cumberbatch is perfection, so WATCH!!
And just FYI Benedict will be presenting at the SAG Awards tonight. I am pretty stoked about that.

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