Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Soundtrack of My Life

I have been thinking about music a lot lately. Music is something that I generally think about a lot anyway, but it's been occupying my thoughts quite a bit more as of late. Music is a funny thing. When one hears a song, it can instantly trigger a memory. Much in the same way scent can transport you to a place with just a quick whiff. I am the sort of person who assigns particular songs to a person or place. I will often create a playlist that reminds me of certain qualities I have found in a person. I have also created playlists which I listen to when I go to certain places like Cades Cove or driving to South Carolina. I even had a playlist when Zane and I went to Washington. All of that to say that in everything that has happened with Bateman, that has been one of the toughest things. He had songs that were assigned to him in my mind. Songs that I loved because I loved him. For me to hear those songs now is painful. Particularly any song by Mumford & Sons, which is awful because they are my favorite band. He and I saw them in concert twice and when I hear certain songs by them it sometimes transports me to the first show of theirs that we saw, which was the best concert I've ever seen. Or they take me to their last show we went to in August. That was around the time that I knew things between he and I were coming to an end. He seemed annoyed to be there and wasn't really sharing the experience with me. Now I am working so hard trying to hear their songs and have them be mine. I want to be able to hear The Cave, Little Lion Man or Hopeless Wanderer and not have it fire a synapse in my brain that automatically connects to him and his face. How do I do that?
The best thing though is the discovery of new artists and songs that I am falling in love with. Finding bands that I love that are my own. Hearing a song that I've never heard and making it my new theme song. Right now I am completely in love with the song One Day Like This by Elbow. It is such a sweet song and the lyrics are so wonderful and inspiring to me. I've been using it as my alarm to wake me up and it makes me smile instead of grimace at the thought of having to get out of bed to face the day. I imagine that the day is directly in front of me and it could truly hold something special. Another song I currently adore is Two Fingers by Jake Bugg. Give the two finger salute to yesterday. You're damn right! I'm alive and in a good place and that's where I plan to stay. It has also been so great to be able to listen to bands that I liked before. When I met Bateman I was a huge fan of Kings of Leon. Then he informed me of how his second wife played a couple of their songs all of the time and that he hated them. Being the people-pleaser that I am, I quit listening to them. Although, I will say that my musical tastes have evolved over the last few years, so I don't enjoy their music in the same way. However, their song Sex on Fire still does something to me. It's just a damn sexy song!
I'm just really thankful that some songs that I have loved for so long, but don't listen to on a regular basis haven't been ruined. He never really seemed interested in the Indie music that I prefer. Like Deathcab for Cutie, Arcade Fire, The Lumineers, or Radiohead. Thank goodness! He never really seemed to care for some of the older artists that I love. For instance, Bateman hated The Beatles. I mean...what the HELL?! He said that they were overrated. Complete bullshit if you ask me. The Beatles are my all time favorite band, so really he did me a favor. None of their songs have been ruined for me. We never listened to Van Morrison together either thank God! My favorite song by Van Morrison, Sweet Thing, has the ability to ring true each time it comes back around for me. I hadn't thought of the song in a while, but saw it mentioned by an actor I dearly love (gee...I wonder who?) and it caused me to get my CD out to listen to the song. It transports me to a memory I have of Zane's dad and a couple of friends from about sixteen years ago. The song wasn't playing in that moment, but the images that the lyrics call to mind take me there. "We shall walk and talk in gardens all misty wet with rain." It also drudges up those memories of other past love and how those just weren't the right ones. There could be one coming in the future and one will be able to take things at face value. "I'll be satisfied not to read in between the lines." One has to hold out hope. Not me, though. If I ever decide to try again, which is highly doubtful, the man will have to be very special, but there I go digressing again....
I have a current playlist that I am wearing out. I've tied it to the thoughts of people that I adore. Many of them are some of my old favorites and others are new recommendations that I've read about on-line. Several are British...surprise surprise. Alt-J, Elbow, London Grammar, and Stone Roses for example. If any of you reading have a suggestion, please feel free to chime in and offer them up. Thanks again to all for reading!

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